{"id":27698,"date":"2018-05-14T13:42:40","date_gmt":"2018-05-14T18:42:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nosidebar.com\/?p=27698"},"modified":"2019-09-27T03:19:00","modified_gmt":"2019-09-27T08:19:00","slug":"imperfect-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nosidebar.com\/imperfect-life\/","title":{"rendered":"My Simple, Imperfect Life is More Than Enough"},"content":{"rendered":"
As my 40th birthday approached, I sensed that change was coming my way.<\/p>\n
Somehow I understood that this year would be a tipping point. A critical crossroad at which I would stop being pulled to and fro by shifting mood or circumstance and make a conscious decision about who and how I wanted to be in the world.<\/p>\n
Change did come.<\/p>\n
I launched my first blog called Embracing Imperfection – an initial, tentative effort at articulating my deep longing to disentangle myself from comparison, perfectionism, and fear. I returned to school, ended up struggling to walk with a cane as I awaited a hip replacement and then passed through a long and painful recovery, and my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer.<\/p>\n
My 40th birthday ushered in the most challenging season of my life. And I am grateful.<\/p>\n
The strange thing is, even as I stumbled through this valley that I would never have chosen for myself, I knew I was being changed. Through the pain and sorrow, the agonizing stretching of muscle and soul, I was beginning the process of releasing everything that no longer served.<\/p>\n
All the striving and comparison, the self-doubt and concern about what others thought of me and if they loved me, was stripped away layer by layer until I arrived, exhausted yet relieved, at a place of surrender.<\/p>\n
Broken and beautiful.<\/p>\n
It was like I fully awoke, for the first time.<\/p>\n
And what I finally understood was that I was already enough. That I could love myself, with all my mess and struggle, precisely as I was.<\/p>\n
And I saw that my simple, imperfect life was more than enough<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n As I draw near to my 47th birthday and look back over the past 7 years, I realize there are four interconnected, life-giving lessons I’ve learned which allow me to walk with intention and joy today.<\/p>\n I picked up joy in that valley and have never been the same. While I first got a taste of this when I lost my mom, it was in this season that I embraced the life-altering truth that joy and pain can coexist. Beauty and suffering are old friends. Happiness and struggle co-mingle in a beautiful, imperfect, real life.<\/p>\n Life simply isn’t black or white. All or nothing. And if I wait until there is no sorrow, no doubt or uncertainty, no suffering or frustration or brokenness in this big world, then I will miss my life. I will exist instead of truly living.<\/p>\n I can decide that I am already enough. This simple, imperfect life of mine is more than enough.<\/p>\n When I pull my brain back from tomorrow and my heart from yesterday, I live with joy today<\/strong><\/p>\n Today is an incredible gift. The crumbs on the counters that speak of a family well-fed, the bills to pay and kids to drive and laundry to fold. This matters.<\/p>\n I grieve the people I’ve helped bury and joyfully make plans for my future but most of all I choose to show up fully present and awake today. A nicer home, more money, another vacation or a fairy tale romance will not make me happier than I already am.<\/p>\n If this is as good as my life ever gets I will die content. This is far more than enough.<\/p>\n I have stopped deferring happiness – life is too short, and I am worth too much, to allow imperfection or uncertainty to keep me from living fully today.<\/p>\nJoy and pain can coexist<\/h2>\n
If I can’t be happy today it is unlikely I will be happy tomorrow<\/h2>\n