{"id":7713,"date":"2016-07-25T04:08:30","date_gmt":"2016-07-25T09:08:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nosidebar.com\/?p=7713"},"modified":"2024-03-01T10:31:49","modified_gmt":"2024-03-01T17:31:49","slug":"story","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nosidebar.com\/story\/","title":{"rendered":"When Perspective Keeps You From Telling Your Story"},"content":{"rendered":"

I didn\u2019t know she was coming. I wiped tears from my face and waved my hands a few times in front of my eyes to help dry them. Then I opened the door.<\/p>\n

\"When<\/p>\n

All around me, I hear people hint<\/em> at the difficult things they\u2019re going through. They’re tired of moving at a pace they can’t maintain; they feel lonely in their marriages; they were blindsided by how hard a certain stage of parenthood is; they’ve forgotten how to chase life<\/a> like they once did; they’ve let their self-worth get tangled up with their productivity<\/a>.<\/p>\n

But when they talk about what they\u2019re going through, they start by framing it with how lucky they know they are, or they finish by trying to put a finger on a lesson they\u2019ve learned in the process. They almost always acknowledge that it could be worse.<\/p>\n

I do it, too. I hesitate to lay it all out there and just. leave it.<\/em><\/p>\n

Maybe we do it because it\u2019s embarrassing to admit we\u2019re not ready to think about the situation productively\u2014that we just want to feel whatever we\u2019re feeling.<\/p>\n

Maybe it\u2019s a side effect of how small our world is. We know about the tragedy that just happened to a friend of a friend because a news story popped up in our Facebook feed. Knowing about a world of heartache makes our own seem less important.<\/p>\n

Maybe we\u2019re afraid of getting called out on how blessed we really are. So we hedge off criticism before we can even be criticized.<\/p>\n

We edit our speech. We step carefully, even when we\u2019re in pain, even when we\u2019re speaking to someone we trust.<\/p>\n

A Risk for Authenticity<\/strong><\/p>\n

I could have taken a chance that day, risked sharing myself for the sake of transparency and friendship. For the sake of stepping into my feelings and being true to my own story.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

I lied and said I was fine. Downplayed it. Broadened my fake smile when my friend hugged me (even though it actually made me want to cry more).<\/p>\n

The Value\u2014and Danger\u2014of Perspective<\/strong><\/p>\n

There is value in perspective. It helps us remember that we can come out on the other side.<\/p>\n

But I wonder if all this caution\u2014this care that we take take to put things in perspective when we think of or speak of our pain\u2014is keeping us from feeling what we were designed to feel.<\/p>\n

It’s one thing if perspective keeps you from sharing your story (although I still think that’s a loss, both for you and for others); it’s another thing if it keeps you from feeling<\/em> your story.<\/p>\n

I recently shared a part of my journey with a friend, but\u2014true-to-form\u2014I hedged it with perspective. I prefaced with how small I knew this problem was in comparison to others.<\/p>\n

After I told my story, my friend and mentor paused and said, “I’m going to push back on the notion that how you felt was small by comparison. Your heartache is still yours<\/em>. It’s okay to feel it.”<\/p>\n

It\u2019s okay to not be okay.<\/p>\n

5 Quotes to Help You Step into Your Story<\/strong><\/p>\n

When I find myself resisting my feelings\u2014hedging them with perspective or sweeping them haphazardly under the rug\u2014I turn to the words of people I admire for a reminder that there is power in living and feeling<\/em> my story. <\/p>\n

I hope some of these quotes resonate with you like they do me. <\/p>\n

1. \u201cOnly when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.\u201d \u2014 Bren\u00e9 Brown<\/p>\n

2. \u201cSafety is just the mirage of the living dead. Do you really want to live or not?\u201d \u2014 Ann Voskamp<\/p>\n

3. “When we try to suppress what makes us who we are, we risk losing the gifts that come with our temperaments.” \u2014 Daisy Gumin<\/p>\n

4. “We are all inextricably connected\u2014we all have strength and we all have struggle. We all need and we all give.\u201d \u2014 Bren\u00e9 Brown<\/p>\n

5. \u201cWe get to the beauty through the brutal. Not over or around or under but straight through. We do not ignore each other’s pain\u2014we help carry it.\u201d \u2014 Glennon Doyle Melton<\/p>\n

I’ll say it one more time because I think it bears repeating: It\u2019s okay<\/em> to not be okay.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I didn\u2019t know she was coming. I wiped tears from my face and waved my hands a few times in front of my eyes to help dry them. Then I opened the door. All around me, I hear people hint at the difficult things they\u2019re going through. They’re tired of moving at a pace they […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":18,"featured_media":7728,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhen Perspective Keeps You From Telling Your Story<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"It\u2019s one thing if perspective keeps you from sharing your story, it\u2019s another thing if it keeps you from feeling your story.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nosidebar.com\/story\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"When Perspective Keeps You From Telling Your Story\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"It\u2019s 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