I’ve struggled for most of my life this recurring thought: “No one really sees or appreciates the things I do.”
I can vividly remember venting this frustration, with tears filling my eyes, to a mentor of mine as early as my mid-teens. And it only became more pronounced when I started my career, got married, and had children. (Toddlers are not known for articulating their heartfelt thanks!)
But over the last few years, I’ve begun to recognize this internal narrative as emotional clutter. It weighs me down and creates resistance in my soul. It holds me back from focusing on the good.
I’m now working hard every day to throw out the manual I had for how others should act—to stop waiting for them to notice my efforts and to instead own that I do the things I do because I want to. I declutter our home because I enjoy a tidy, visually peaceful environment and the satisfaction of my hard work. I give my husband and children my best because I love them and want the best for them too.
I’ve by no means mastered this new way of thinking, but I feel emotional freedom as I move in this direction.
Do You Have Emotional Clutter That’s Weighing You Down?
Most of us are familiar with the weight of physical clutter, but emotional clutter has a weight of its own. Emotional clutter is the type of clutter that is the most unseen but has the greatest impact on your happiness and well-being. {15 Questions to Ask Yourself When You Struggle to Let Go}
This clutter is made up of persistent thoughts that are so familiar, they may almost feel like old friends. Except when you drag them out into the light of day, you realize that they aren’t friends at all. They never were.
Here are some common thought loops that can drain our emotional energy. Do any of these sound familiar? If you were to make your own list, what would you add?
- “I do everything around here.”
- “No one really cares about me.”
- “My boss [partner/child] doesn’t appreciate me.”
- “I’m a bad [parent/partner/sibling/friend].”
- “I’m terrible at making friends.”
- “I’m so awkward. I’m bad at talking to people.”
- “I’m not cut out for this.”
The more you allow yourself to think these types of thoughts, the deeper the pathways they carve in your brain. This is why it may feel like your negative thoughts run on autopilot. Thankfully, our brains are malleable. (In scientific terms, this is called neuroplasticity.)
This means that with conscious effort and consistent practice over time, you can actually short-circuit negative thoughts and slowly replace them with better feeling thought loops.
4 Steps to Letting Go of Emotional Clutter
1.Start by identifying the harmful scripts that are playing out in your mind.
Write them down. Get to know them. Notice them the next time they arise and question them (instead of accepting them as truth, as you may have in the past).
2. Make small shifts to more positive thoughts.
Once you’ve identified a recurring negative loop, don’t try to immediately switch to a thought that’s 180 degrees from the original. Your brain won’t buy it. For example, it’s a big leap to go from, “Nobody cares about me,” to, “Everyone loves me!” Instead, make a small, positive shift that you really believe, such as, “My family cares about me, and I care about myself.”
3. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
To replace the negative pathway previously carved in your brain, you’ll need to create a new one. And the way to do that is by running the new thought through your brain over and over—and over again. Consciously repeat the new thought loop in your mind every time the old one comes up. Write it in your journal every day. Speak it out loud while you drive a familiar route, while you take a walk in nature, or while you look at yourself in a mirror. Repeat it so much that your brain slowly starts taking this path—on automatic—rather than the old one.
4. Reinforce your work with self-love and self-care.
This is deep work. It’s very different from clearing out the junk drawer in your kitchen or the clutter in your attic. It has an emotional component that I think requires plenty of compassion toward yourself as you struggle through the process. Keep yourself shored up by practicing purposeful self-care and remembering that you are whole and beautiful and worthy no matter what.
For more tools and inspiration just like this, check out Erica’s new book, The Minimalist Way: Minimalism Strategies to Declutter Your Life and Make Room for Joy.
You’ll learn to build a life based on what you really value, and you’ll simplify everything from you your home and family life to your work, relationships, and your use of time. Most importantly, you’ll discover the peace and joy of living with less.
From Joshua Becker of Becoming Minimalist: “The beauty of this book is that you will finish with a clearer picture of the life you want to build—and how minimalist principles can help you get there. You’ll walk away with actionable steps and a personalized plan to help you get there. This is a message we all need to hear again and again.”